Class of Slots: Yearbook Awards for Your Favorite Characters
Remember your yearbook, full of inside jokes, superlatives that made you exclaim, “So true!”, and corny senior quotes that always got a chuckle? Well, the Class of Slots just got theirs, and let’s just say, this graduating class was anything but ordinary.
See what your favorite slot characters got up to throughout the year, and what their peers voted on them “most likely” to be, including a few titles claimed by accident and intimidation (you’ll see).
Class of Slots, your legacy is officially permanent ink.
Jump to your favorite section:
The Best/Most Likely To…
Most Likely to be Famous (and Fabulous): Cleo, the Queen of Egypt
Fame follows Cleo like an entourage. One time at a climate summit in Davos, she walked in five hours late, shook a few hands, and left with two phone numbers, a private jet, and someone else’s Nobel. She’s had every vote ever since.
Most Likely To Get Rich-Diggity-Dog!: Gus the Prospector
Gus has a knack for tracking down gold in the most unlikely places, like that time he tripped over a parking lot curb and found a gold coin wedged in the crack. By the time security showed up, he’d already panned half the drainage system and started haggling for mineral rights. That’s just who Gus is.
Best Eyes (TECHnically Speaking): Cyberpunk
Cyberpunk’s eyes have melted a few hearts and, unfortunately, a few backpacks. Once her slot-mates realized the heat wasn’t metaphorical but coming from retinal-embedded thermal scanners, they quickly gave her their vote while backing away…slowly.
Class Clown (Menace): Larry the Leprechaun
As long as Larry had a desk to stand on, he could always charm a crowd (and see the blackboard; being pint-sized has its challenges). His crowning moment came when he swapped the principal’s speech notes with the lyrics to “Drunken Sailor.” The principal made it halfway through verse two before anyone stopped clapping.
Most Likely to Win (Or Destroy) an Argument: Zeus, the God of Thunder
“Most likely” to win was probably conflated with other contestants being “too terrified” to compete. Still, Zeus deserves the award, even if he did verbally steamroll a debate team captain so fiercely that the poor guy transferred schools and joined the Mathletes.
Clubs & Activities
Cleo
Drama Club President, Model U.N., Yearbook Committee
Cleo was the Drama Club president, naturally. She dominated Model U.N. (ran both Egypt and Rome’s delegations), and technically joined the Yearbook Committee, though she only approved her own photo.
Gus
Geology Club, Wilderness Survival (the only member)
Gus signed up for Geology Club and impressed the president when he brought his own custom pickaxe (most likely his Black Friday purchase, complete with a polished hickory wood handle). And while Wilderness Survival wasn’t an official club, he slept behind the gym for a week to prove a point. Whatever it was, they gave him a certificate for it.
Cyberpunk
Chess Club, Beauty & Style Club President
The Chess Club had no idea what they were in for when Cyberpunk joined. Turns out she was in it purely for the thrill of long-term psychological warfare.
If you know Cyberpunk, you know that sounds about right. As multitalented as she was, no one could’ve predicted she’d end up president of the Beauty & Style Club. Then again, she had to learn how to dye and spike that mohawk somewhere.
Larry
First Chair Fiddle in Band, Glee Club
Larry played first chair fiddle in the school band, and he somehow managed to get a standing ovation during the tuning. In Glee Club, he didn’t read music, but he knew every pub song by heart and taught the altos how to harmonize to “The Rocky Road to Dublin.”
Zeus
Debate Team Captain, Track & Field
As Debate Team Captain, Zeus left his opponents scrambling for rebuttals and sometimes running for cover. (He said he can’t control his lightning finger; it fires off when he gets worked up.) On the Track & Field team, he dominated the javelin, discus, and shot put events, and coaches stopped asking questions after the third crater.
Senior Quotes
Cleo: Be the (outfit) change you wish to see in the world, mainly, darlings, a shimmering gold kaftan instead of mini shorts.
Gus: This ain’t goodbye, it’s see you at the mines. The gold don’t dig itself, partner!
Cyberpunk: Upgrade complete.
Larry: Dance like you’re standing on a bar counter, love like you’re oversharing with a stranger, sing like you’ve had one too many.
Zeus: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, but you only miss ONCE when you mock a god *heavy breathing heavy breathing* WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, MORTAL?!?!
Where Are They Now?
Cleo
The Queen of Egypt is currently “consulting” on global leadership, mostly by negotiating circles around silver-haired decision-makers while wearing gowns that violate at least three dress codes. Rumors say Cleo owns a palace (confirmed – you can visit it in A Night With Cleo) and the rights to her own biopic.
Gus
Gus went off-grid somewhere near a riverbed in Nevada. He occasionally resurfaces to sell gold nuggets from his slot Gold Rush Gus, plus hand-carved wooden spoons at roadside stalls. Just like in Wilderness Club, the hardworking prospector still refuses to use a GPS.
Cyberpunk
Cyberpunk founded three startups, hacked five more, and now runs an encrypted message board that quietly landed on a government watchlist. Aside from hunting down progressive jackpots in her Cyberpunk City slot, she hasn’t been seen in a while, but her code still turns up in the occasional smart fridge meltdown.
Larry
Larry is the proud owner of a lively forest tavern in the Larry’s Lucky Tavern slot, which he quickly turned into a booming franchise. He now oversees twelve locations and once got into a heated legal dispute over the phrase “free spins on tap.” He was recently seen on The Tonight Show promoting his best-selling cookbook titled Stew It Yourself, Ya Gobshite!
Zeus
Zeus was last seen storming out of a TED Talk after admonishing the excessive use of lowercase letters on the slides; he said he couldn’t read them. He now lives on a mountaintop in his slot Fury of Zeus, where he occasionally hurls thunderbolts at motivational posters. He still insists on being addressed as “YOUR EMINENCE.”
That concludes the Class of Slots yearbook, and we voted you “Most Likely to Love These Characters.” We’re already planning the reunion, and you’re invited, of course, although the location is pending. Last time, Gus mistook the fireworks for a mining signal and blew up the snack table. We’re still paying off the damages.
